You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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