Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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