It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize