I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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