So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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