look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize