I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
