i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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