Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
