i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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