Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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