They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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