With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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