wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize