last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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