Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
