I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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