So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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