Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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