i jhust puked up my retainher.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
