a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize