Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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