Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
