If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
