I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
