My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
