I think my vagina is haunted
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize