Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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