i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize