Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
