She said her name was "party"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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