dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
