i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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