3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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