I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
