I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
