I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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