ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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