My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
