dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I could fuck to npr.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
