I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
