You just made me feel so damn special
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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