I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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