Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
