The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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