i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
