My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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