Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
