btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
