So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
