She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
