We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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