Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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