Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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