i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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