Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
