I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
