hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
