no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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