I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
