Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
