xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
