so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
