the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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