An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize