i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
last night I used snow as a chaser
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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