There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
