out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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