Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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