I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
