yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
